insight

Recently within the past year or so, I was introduced to and started to really like this Hillsongs United band. Well, I'll say I really started to like half of them.....I'm not such a huge fan of their faster paced stuff. Anyway, Kevin let me borrow his United We Stand cd and I've pretty much had it in my car for over a year. There's this one song and I'm not actually sure of the name - as you miss out on those things when you hold someone's cd captive sans insert sleeve - and there are a couple of lines that I REALLY like in the song:

"In the chaos and confusion, I know you're sovereign still...
In the moment of my weakness you give me strength to do your will..."

So anyway, I always found a lot of comfort in the truth of the first half (second half, too, but this post isn't about the second half, what what!) In the chaos and confusion of the world - not knowing what path to choose or if you've chosen one, is it the right one? And countless other confusing things in this confusing world - I can know that God is still sovereign over it all. I've really been able to find a lot of peace in that.

Well, today, when I was in yoga - which I LOVE by the way. Yoga and cardio and I could be set for life.....now about that cardio..... Anyway, yoga for me is purely a physical activity. I'm not into all of the "practice" that it can be and the "if you put positive words into a jar with water and freeze it, then put negative words into a jar with water and freeze it, the one with positive words will form all these beautiful blue white crystal patterns and the one with negative words will turn yellow and brown" stuff. And I'm not into all the "good energy bad energy" talk. I just like getting stronger and more limber. Feels good, mmmkay?

Well today, the usual teacher that teaches the class I go to wasn't there and there was a new lady. She was nice and it was definitely a great work out and stretched some muscles I don't think I'd ever stretched before today, but she was definitely into the energy talk. She actually said today that "energy is everything." Hmm....

Now I'm no scientist (Kevin, help a metaphorical sista out), but I think that physical energy is IN everything, but I do not think that energy IS everything, especially the kind of mental, positive/negative spiritual energy. I believe that God (+ Jesus + Holy Spirit) is/are everything. And I believe that when I "let go of all the stress of the day," I'm not letting that go out into the cosmos. I'm surrendering my control of it all to the aforementioned God. I guess that's part of what bothers me about the "practice" of yoga. So much of it is self-rule and self-glorifying. So I sometimes feel weird about how into that stuff some of the people are. But boy do I love to stretch! Hachaa!

The teacher said this right before she wanted us to do a color meditation, wherein we breathe in blue and breathe out gold, and I can't ever really let myself do those things. And I don't want to get into a philosophical debate about this stuff or other new age type stuff, I'm just using this experience to get to where I'm going with this whole post.

On the way home after yoga, I was listening to the song I referenced before of which I don't know the title. And it was crazy. When I got to that little verse I like, it was totally new to me. The confusion wasn't life decision confusion. The confusion it was talking about at that moment for me was spiritual/theological confusion. This world is FULL of spiritual/theological chaos. There's new age, there's scientology and a whole slew of other belief systems in this world that I don't understand how anyone could truly believe and then even within Christianity I'll come upon something that I'm not quite sure how to wrap my mind around.

But that's what hit me. God is still sovereign even though I'm sitting there confused out of my mind. When I've read something in the bible that doesn't quite match up to my understanding of His attributes as I believe them to be today at 25 years old. And that's okay. He's there and he knows and he'll reveal it to me. And I hope that I'll keep on experiencing more and more confusion that I can work through because that means I'm growing. The last thing I want in the world is to have it all figured out right now. That this would be my plateau of knowledge of God. That there is nothing more to learn.

LAME.

So that's pretty cool.