called

I've been thinking a lot lately about why people are so afraid to do what they're called to do in life. Or maybe I should say I've been thinking a lot lately about why "I" am so afraid to do what "I'm" called to do. For example, two of the major desires of my heart are to write and to play music. And yet, even when I get opportunities to take advantage of these things, I get really nervous.

When I played violin at UNT, I would never practice enough - PARTLY because I didn't want to spend 4 hours of every day in a practice room - but also partly because I was afraid that even if I practiced for those hours each day, that I wouldn't measure up....so rather than try and fail (or possibly succeed), I just didn't try. It's weird to admit that out loud (read: via the typewritten word), but it's really true. I'm trying to get better at not giving in to this fear, so I guess I think that if I say/type these things where other people can read them, I'll be more apt to change my behavior.

Also, I've got a couple of writing opportunities at hand - I might be able to start writing music reviews for a friend's music magazine he helped launch, and my other friend (who shall remain nameless) is starting up a magazine that he wants me to help get off the ground and write for. Both of these things are jobs/opportunities that I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be a part of (ending with a preposition), but I've been putting off turning in these music review samples because I'm afraid they won't be good enough or I won't be what they're looking for. I know already that this is a futile fear, and that of course there IS the possibility of not being what they're looking for, just like there are lots of possibilities that I might have a violin audition and not make it, so I just need to work through those fears. There have been SEVERAL things like this that I've been afraid to partake in, but when I went ahead and pushed through the fear, it always turned out well. And even when it hasn't........so what? I could use some toughening up. *WINK*

Jimmy Etheridge, Marti's dad, and an elder of sorts at my church, told me once that everything that the Lord has ever called him to do has always terrified him. Then when Michael had concerns about being the youth pastor and whether or not he would be capable, someone told him that God doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called. And of course being drawn to something that you don't feel competent in lends itself to feeling fearful. I was listening to Jack Hayford this morning, and he was addressing the same issue of fear in regards to a life calling.

When you really break it down, what is it that we have to fear anyway? I mean, truly, if we let the Lord be in control of our lives and decisions.....why fear?

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Oh! As a quick side bar:

Today when I went to go pick up lunch at St. Pete's Dancing Marlin, I had requested extra ketchup when I called in the order, and when I go back to my car I realized that they had forgotten to oblige my simple request. I walk back in and ask if I could have a couple extra ketchups and the guy says, "Sure," and starts walking away.

Then he looks back and says, "Do you just want a bottle?"

"Are you serious?" I ask, incredulously.

"Yeah, it's just easier," he replied.

"Awesome, yes. Thanks!"

And it was a glass bottle!! Just a little extra silver lining on my already good day.