Thursday, September 29, 2005

separated by light...

I got an email today from Chris Simpson, director of photography for Separated By Light, *speaking directly into the mic* a short film by Sai Selvarajan. This image is on the cover of UTA Magazine, which until receipt of this email, I was unaware existed. You know it's funny, because we filmed this short last spring '04 (I think!?) and it was on KERA's Frame of Mind, and in the Deep Ellum Film Festival and the Dallas Film Festival, but ever since then, I keep forgetting that we did this. *Props to Annie for letting me know about the audition!*

figure 2.1

Remebrance is usually accompanied by the intermittent emails Chris and Sai send about various festivals SBL has gotten into. Pretty cool, actually. There was a little blurb in the magazine about the film, as well as a picture that served as the DVD cover picture. See: figure 2.1

I'm glad that I was able to be a part of this production, and I'm glad I got to know everyone involved. It's nice to be proud of something. SBL RULES!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

slap bracelets and cassette tapes....

Yes, that's right folks. I went to see the Walkmen last night. They were playing at Gypsy Tea Room, and this was my second concert on a weeknight, and it's only Tuesday. That's right......I'm throwing caution to the wind. I'll not heed the call of an early morning and the subsequent necessity of sleep, no sir!!

Anyhoot, the Walkmen opened up for Built to Spill in the ballroom, which I guess surprised me, though I'm not sure why. I guess BTS (as I'll now refer to them) has been around longer, but I guess I kind of thought the Walkmen (as I'll now refer to THEM) would be considered the better known act? I don't know. After the show, their lead singer was just outside talking on his cell phone in front of their not tour bus, but two vans. Way to keep it real guys. *nodding in approval with eyes closed* Way to keep it.

The concert was awesome....I rode with Levi, and Daniel, Jon, Erin (most recent roomie), Kevin, and some "see in Deep Ellum all the time" friends were out there, namely Ryan, Beau, and Chris the bartender, who I know from the "East Dallas Acoustic All Stars shows Radiant used to do at the Barley House. Oh, and I met a guy named Dave who was there because he evacuated Houston, and he reported that his house was fine, save a broken tree branch in his yard that caused minimal damage.

I have such great friends. Thanks, great friends, for making an evening enjoyable yet again. Salud!

Friday, September 23, 2005


All these hurricanes. Each day I'm realizing that I know more and more people from Houston or with families in Houston or surrounding areas, not to mention all the people that fled to Houston from NOLA. I've been trying to call people to make sure they and their families are okay. This whole thing is so sad. What's happening, I wonder.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Nearly Famous...

A recently acquired friend of mine, Airen, painted this picture of me playing the violin....and I'm a little fuzzy on the details, as I didn't know her when she painted it. She was friends with another violinist at UTA, so she would go to the concerts and what not, and I think she may have either taken a picture or had a picture at her disposal, I'm not sure.

Anyway, she wrote me an email to let me know "my" status.

Currently, I'm hanging in the Panther City Coffee House Gallery in Ft. Worth, and apparently the gallery director told Airen that some guy in New York (hopefully, said guy is Julie Whitaker) wants to buy me for a large sum of money. Whoa!

Who'd have thought that I might be moving to NY with Julie sooner than I thought! :)

Friday, September 16, 2005

Boot Attacks Cat for Profit...

Michael Katz, one of the graphic designers at my work made this. It's awesome. We all have intra-work IM (called Rendezvous) and each day we give ourselves different IM icons and IM subheadings, generally funny, but two of the art department computers aren't used specifically by anyone. One is the music comp with which we blast our ITunes uploads.....right now, Devendra Banhart is playing over the speakers, and if you haven't heard of him, I suggest you step up to the plate and check it out. He's coming to Dallas soon, you know.

Anyway, that computer is usually called the GrooveBot 3500 and it's picture is a cute cartoon robot. Well, as of yesterday, it's been renamed "Boot Attacks Cat for Profit," and it's subheading reads "something has gone awry."

The art archives computer is called "Barry Manilow," and it's subheading reads "Manilow the Incapacitator." It's been "Manilow the Destroyer," and my personal favorite, "I write the songs......well, co-write."

Oh, creatives! You slay me!

Oh, and this is a picture of the Gogol Bordello bumper sticker that I found online. They are a gypsy band from the Ukraine that describes its music as gypsy punk, and a lot of punks like them, but I wouldn't classify their music as punk, per se. When I was with The Servo (or as its called on the streets of baltimore, Deservo) we played a show with them at GYPSY (appropriately enough) Tea Room, and they are one of the best bands I've ever seen live! Just ask Julie and Rebecca, my fellow attendants. They have an awesome violinist (because europeans practice their instruments more than me) an accordian player, and three dancing Ukrainian maids! Does it get better than this!?!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Willesha Willesha, little star...

Okay, so since the Friday after the hurricane, I've been volunteering at Elzie Odom, a local rec center in Arlington where some of the New Orleans folks came on the buses. I guess this Friday will make that two weeks ago. Crazy. Anyway, going up there consistenly lends itself to getting to know some of these people/families pretty well. One of the families consists of William (dad), Shawn (mom), William (son), Courtney (daughter), and Willesha (daughter, see: title of this post). They have another older son that I've never seen, and who's name I don't know, unfortunately.

Well, I go up there to say hi to my peeps this Monday evening, and after a while and as I'm on my way out, I find Willesha playing on the computer. I go up to give her a hug - being careful not to poke my eyes out on her dice ponytail holders - and she promptly greets me and asks me if I can take her for a drive. I told her that I really didn't have anywhere to drive her, and she proceeded to beg me while pulling on my arm to take her somewhere, ANYWHERE, just to "get away for a while." Now, mind you, she's 11, but as I soon discovered, she is wise beyond her 6 grades of formal education. So, of course, I consent, we go ask mom and dad, sign her out, and we're on our way to nowhere in particular.

--I'm going to have to scrounge up a picture of her and edit it in here when I find someone who has one, because she is sooo freaking cute!--

Their whole family knows everybody volunteering up there but can't remember anyone's names to save their lives. She didn't remember my name, and I was trying to see if she remembered my friend Jennifer, who's been up at the rec center EVERY day after she get's off school at 12:00 and I was describing what she looked like, and Willesha was just sitting there with a very "thinking hard" look on her face, then all of a sudden she goes, "Oh, she's the one who's 22, she was going to get married, but then they felt like God told them to wait, but she still wants to get married, and she looks like a party girl." But no name?

Anybuns, I decide to drive her to the house I just moved into with Candiss and Levi. She went to their church, Shady Grove, the Wednesday after they all got here, so I was explaining to her that Levi was the guy singing and playing guitar during the youth service. Then as I was calling to let them know I was bringing over this little bundle of joy, she kept asking me, "Was that the rock star? Is he gonna be there when we get there? 'Cause I'm gonna ask for his autograph!!" Then when she asked if we lived in a nice neighborhood, I told her that it was nice, but that we weren't rich or anything.... (because I had anything to do with their getting approved for a home loan?) and she said "Oooooh, he sure seems rich the way he all singing up on that stage!"

So we're driving and there's a ridiculous amount of traffic on 360, and to make a long discovery short, the police and firemen had both sides of the highway completely stopped because this girl had climbed up onto one of the huge exit signs and was threatening to jump. People were standing out on the highway and people had come out of their houses to watch. Willesha and I were both experiencing our surprise and hoping that she wouldn't jump when she brought this little gem to the conversation.

"Oh, she just wants attention, she ain't gonna jump. If she wants attention, she just needs to get herself a man, he'll give her plenty of attention."

You know what Willesha? You're right. She does need to get herself a man.

Oh, and she didn't jump - the girl on the exit sign. On the way back from my house, we saw that she had come down via the fire ladder. Maybe she found a man instead. *shrug*

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

"In silence.... can most readily preserve his integrity." So sayeth my fortune cookie. Thank you Hunan Express, for both feeding and advising me.

It's good advice, but not quite as good as the fortune cookie my friend jon got when we were in high school, and if I'm correct, the one he still carries in his wallet today. Jon? It went a little something like this:

"Oh God give me a reason, I'm down on bended knee."

Recognize this? Anyone? I'll give you a hint. Think Boys II Men circa middle school. Ah yes, it's all coming's all...

Fortune cookies are, in general, really awesome. I got one last week from said Hunan Express that told me to "seek advice from an octogenarian." I know (all through my own life experience of course, and certainly not after asking my esteemed colleagues) that this means a person between the ages of 80 and 90. Those guys sure have lived. Yes they have.

I don't know if I posted about this already, but they are interviewing people to fill the front desk portion of my job. That's great because then I can focus on doing the AE (acct. executive) stuff that I'm doing now minus the answering phones, faxing, distributing mail, making coffee, grocery shopping part. *shwew!*

I can't wait! Anyhoot.....I have to call newspaper ad sales people and tell them (AGAIN) to fax us what they're supposed to fax us.

OH!!! And my dear friend Jillian Michaelree who used to by my first apartment roommate just got engaged to my other friend Brian Payton Stimson, III. A joyous occasion is sure to ensue!! Well played, Jillian....well played!

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

ride alone with hitler

ride alone with hitler
Originally uploaded by bephare.
What does this even mean?!

friends and I3rother...

I think I'll write a new blog here again, now that I've copied and pasted my blogs from myspace so this weblog site isn't as daunting as the blank one I faced yesterday.

This last weekend was awesome! Radiant had a show on Saturday at the club of curtains at around 12:30ish, so before that, Liz and Amber and I went to go see my friend Richard play his acoustic set at 8:30 at the coffee shop side of the Door. Man, I don't remember the last time I went there. Richard is going to Fuller Theological seminary in Pasadena and he loves Jesus, but don't get the wrong idea. He also drinks beer (with and sans me) and cusses, so he's cool. *buffing fingernails on left shoulder of shirt* He was playing using his band's monaker "books died on." It's a farhenheit (which I learned to spell correctly thanks to my journalism class and some help from the associated press *blink*) 451 reference for you literary buffs. *incidentally.....I apparently did not learn to spell monaker (sic) correctly*

It was basically just him, an acoustic guitar and his ipod of ceaselessly enchanting beats, and it was a great act, not to mention the free buttons and cds I scored post-show. Oh, and let me not forget to 'member to tell you that he did good, especially after having to follow a seasoned act like "aggregate demand," a group which, after hearing a few tasty riffs, prompted Liz to lean over and say to me....."Two words: home - - school."

After this show, we made our way over to Snuffer's for some cheese fries that can only be described as "delish." Then we headed over to the aforementioned club to await the glory that was radiant's set. Here we met up with Richard's friend and my then aquaintance "Winston/Reed," or I3rother \Vinston, as I believe he prefers to be referred to in type. Quite a funny chap, if I do say so myself, and the four of us (Amber, Richard, Winston/Reed and myself and intermittently, some others) made quite an event of the evening. I don't remember the last time I've laughed so consistently. To give you an "organized by short phrases" summary, we accomplished the following:

interpretive dance
unrequited "love"
teaching of straw technique
general symmetry
synchronized dance, and
moderate beer drinking

I'd say it was a fantastic success. Plus, we're all really hot.

*and scene*

40 days...

life is a temporary assignment." -rick warren

"so we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. for what is seen is temporary but what is unseen is eternal." -2 Cor. 4:18

i've been thinking a lot lately about why i'm here. what i'm here to accomplish. my purpose. what drives me. in a word, i could answer it easily....Jesus......but i need something more specific than that. it's not that easy, and i don't exactly know the answer yet, but i want to.

"Thoreau said, 'most men live lives of quiet desperation.' Similarly, and perhaps more accurately descriptive of today's population, I believe that most people live lives of aimless distraction." -r. warren

i don't want to just keep busy. i tend to do that. i try to take every opportunity or chance that's presented to me so that by doing a lot i feel like i'm accomplishing something. i have managed to establish a schedule with so little free time that i can justify not having enough time at the end of the day to think about why i'm doing any of it. i want to learn to say no. i want to learn to focus, and i want to learn to really listen to God and not just ask for things and wait for them to happen or not happen.

i think one negative (and often accurate) perception of Christians (notice i did not say Christianity) is that we are constantly trying to fix other people. you can seemingly always count on us to let you know all the ways not to go to hell while we quietly and not so publicly deal with our own issues.....or at least the ones we'll acknowledge. since i can't think of a better way to say it, i'll let someone else do it for me...

"This is the hardest part of Christian spirituality for me to deal with. The problem is not out there; the problem is the needy beast of a thing that lives in my chest." -donald miller

the only person we can ever really control is ourselves. for my own sake, i'll rephrase....the only person i can ever really control is myself. so i want to do that in the best way possible. i want to know that I'm not just wasting time, wandering aimlessly, keeping myself busy. and i certainly don't want to tell someone else what they're doing wrong when i'll be the first to say that I don't know how to do it all right. I want to pursue a goal. I want fewer question marks.

I don't know how cohesive this all is, but i'm just writing to organize my thoughts, I guess. i apologize if any of this lacks continuity.

and she goes on...

When i talk about knowing my purpose and what i'm working towards and living for, i don't necessarily mean that I need specifics, like my career or who i'll marry, etc. I just want to know that when i commit to something, it's moving me along in the right direction and not just passing time. i want to be solid.

being able to see how i fit into God's big picture is important to me. i want to be a part of that. what i do here during my life doesn't end when I end. what i do, or contrarily don't do, doesn't just affect me, and i don't always acknowledge that. i want to live seeing more than just me or the people i care about.

"all this flashy rhetoric about loving you.
i never had a selfless thought since i was born.
i am mercenary and self seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

peace, reassurace, pleasure, are the goals i seek,
i cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
i talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
but, self imprisoned, always end where i begin."

-c.s. lewis

geez-o-peets, i feel like quotey quoteswiegel tonight. I guess if someone can say something better than you can......let them.

Anyway...I guess I'm done for now. Just a lot of thinking lately. Have a good day or night, depending.

This just

Geez-o-peets! I finally went and saw Sin City last night with some friends, and holy crap, I LOVED IT!! I've decided that anything with Quentin Tarantino or Bruce Willis involved (except, of course, the movies of theirs I have yet to see and therefore cannot yet judge with any credibility) is Becki approved.


1) Brittany Murphy was born in the wrong decade and completely owns her role in this film..... (see: "You damn fool.")
2) I will never stop thinking that Bruce Willis is attractive.
3) Negative space scenes = really cool.
4) Quotable movies are so......quotable?
-"...and I've been killin' my way to the truth ever since"
-"I'm Shelly's new boyfriend and I'm outta my mind."
-"I know it's pretty damn weird to eat people."

Idiomatic language at it's finest!! Modern day America I beseech funnier!! Less violent... *wagging finger reprimandingly*...but funnier.

I love leaving the theater wound up. The movie is shockingly violent, *wince* but if you can suck it up and get past that, I definitely recommend it.

Questions, comments, testimonials?


Originally uploaded by bephare.
I'm still learning how to post pictures to this dang site.....I want this one to be my main picture, but I can't figure it out!!!!

All the real girls...

Suppose a water dog comes down these tracks and sees you - what's he gonna say about you, land dog?

There are times in your life when you gotta take a chance -

what's this? - water. get in it."

-one of many 'quotable quotes' in this good good movie. woohoot!

Monday, September 12, 2005


I thought I'd go ahead and include this post from myspace last December *sheesh!* that illustrates the desire I had that has now come to fruition through the creation of this very blog. Here it is, what what:

"my best friend and what to do with my life : the scrambled ramblings of an almost graduate" - Dec 2004

As I approach my degree holding status with mixed emotions, the infamous "what are you going to do when you graduate, becko?" question creeps into conversations more frequently with every passing casual encounter. *GOOD friends know not to ask this AND more importantly...not to call me becko*

Answer - I don't know. Would it be abrasive, per se, to prepare any such inquirer for the possibility that they may not get a seasons greetings card from me this year or any year following should the conversation go any further? I mean what is "abrasive," anyway? One man's abrasive is another's joie du vie (sp), no?

I think that if I had to choose an ideal profession - one, mind you, I may never bring to fruition, but would nevertheless be freaking fantastic to writing. I've always loved to write. I've tried my hand at songwriting, "flo"etry, short stories, et al, but I think I would be most on top of my game if I had a regular column somewhere. Ambiguous? certainly.

Julie "harlem shake" Whitaker *enter best friend reference* has a website (see: web address listed post-blog) that I don't keep up with regularly enough, but it's really cool. She's really cool, too, incidentally, so that works out well for the content of her website. I bring all of this up because as I was perusing her site this afternoon, it reignited my desire to write. -she writes on the website, see-
It made me want to create my own website and write on it....good practice. I think over the break I'll see if she has 10 minutes she can spare to teach me all the ins and outs of creating/maintaining a website. *naivete reigns!* If I can keep up an interesting commentary on a website pretty regularly then maybe that will either confirm or deny my current plan. I guess I could start doing that on myspace since its not costing me any money, but where's the fun in that? I want a website where someone has to know my address to read it, and will, after reading it once -perhaps twice- save it to their favorites page, where they will visit and revisit daily because they simply must see what ridiculously cleva thoughts and observations I've managed to come up with this time! It'll be glorious! GLORIOUS!!

Anyhoot, we'll see. When I get my column we'll all see, won't we....? *squinting* They don't call me Becki "lofty aspirations" Phares, for nothing. No, sir.

Here's Julie's website if you want to become a fan.

look around, but remember....she's MY best friend. *fin*

my first step

So today's the big day. I have a blog now. *sigh* I feel a little nervous.... and in turn ridiculous. People blog all the time. I shouldn't be nervous about this. All these questions running through my "hard drive." (that's computer for 'mind') What if no one reads this? What if people DO read this? What if I'm not captivating? What if people don't save my link to their favorites, or for your i-geeks (who I'm soon to join), your bookmark bar! Right, see: ridiculous. I'm not really sure how or where to start.

I'm at work now, I guess that's a good place. I just got this job at TractorBeam, which is an advertising/brand development company in downtown Dallas. I really like it here. I don't have to wear a badge, or a headset, or worry about "system time" or hating my job! Woohoo for not making tally marks on a sheet of paper for every 15 minutes of my shift and slowly marking them off with each passing interval. *throwing up a little in mouth*

For the past few weeks, I've been working on securing a billboard and buying newspaper adspace for Alan Bean, one of the first astronauts in space with Buzz and the gang, and he also happens to be an artist. He uses moondust and pieces from his space suit, et al in his paintings. He's older now.....70s I'm guessing? He and his wife are really least, they sound like they would be over the phone. *eyes darting nervously around blog box* We have to fax everything to him because unless his wife is there, he can't open our email attachments. Oh, and that reminds me that I need to call the sales rep in Dallas about ordering Tang packets for our press release kits we're sending out. This just in - Tang sales reps in Dallas are NOT good at returning phone calls. Write a letter to your local Kraft distributor.